The Inevitable Shit Agents and Editors Say

“Do you want to be crazy and have a glass of wine?”

The Life Cycle of a Book

via Publishing Trendsetter

Ten Surefire Ways to Turn Off a Prospective Agent

An author myself, I know how confounding and stressful the agent hunt can be. The etiquette is not always clear. Can you ask for an update after a few weeks? Can you address the agent by first name?  Is it okay to submit new work after a your first manuscript gets a no? For me, the answer to all these questions is yes!I’m a pretty informal guy, but a few common author gaffs really drive me banana sandwich. Some of these are just a little annoying, others have me breathing into a paper bag. If you’re already guilty of one or (god help you) all of these, don’t panic; there’s always time to change your ways. But from now on, no more excuses. You’ve been warned!

1. Calling with questions, like whether we have a website.
   No, I can’t hold on while you look for a pen. Same goes for feedback. Email, if you must, and I’ll try my best to respond.
2. Sending a snide response to a rejection.
   Getting rejected is part of the job, as is receiving a form rejection. We’d like to respond personally to every query, we just don’t have the time. If you can’t be a professional about rejection, quit. Sending an agent an angry email more or less guarantees they will never work with you. And remember, we talk to each other. I know it’s frustrating, but take it out on your stress-ball. You can put my picture on there, if it helps.
3. Failing to follow submission guidelines.
   Thanks for your sample pages about serial killers on mars, but we do kids’ books.
4. Citing “market testing,” especially when your test group is your kids, spouse, or students. They’re obligated to love you. Don’t trust them.
5. Opening your query with rhetorical questions.
   “Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a flying hippo?” Nope.
6. Talking about your “real-life” inspirations.
   I’m glad your protagonist is based on your adorable daughter who has the same name— we all draw inspiration from those around us. But what if an editor thinks Little Mindy should die of Typhus at the end? Would you be willing to discuss the personality flaws and physical shortcomings of Jillian, who’s based on your wife? A healthy separation of reality and fiction is a prerequisite for discharge from psychiatric wards, and for writing fiction.
7. “Selling” the Book.
   Don’t tell me you know your book will sell a million copies, or that you’re the next Stephen King. I love the confidence, but let the work speak for itself.
8. Playing the Field.
   Telling me you’ve queried seventy other agents doesn’t exactly make me feel like the prettiest girl at the ball. I’m far less likely to request a full manuscript if the odds are high a competitor is going to scoop you before I finish chapter one.
9. Billing yourself as “The next____.”
   Again, confidence is baller, but I’m not sure I believe it, and I hope you don’t either. Few successful authors are “the next” anyone. They’re just themselves.
10. Citing grammatical errors on our website—and being wrong.

Money, Sex, and Tweens @ The New Inquiry

Today I’m chatting about young adult literature, Twilight, queer characters, and yes even adult entertainment w/ fellow Candlewick author Laura Goode at The New Inquiry. Check it out.

Seven Things I Discussed with my Editor About the Girl Part’s Short Story, Abandon Changes

1. The proper font for text messages.
2. Whether Japanese Keitai can be disposable.
3. The abbreviation of Ecstasy (E or X)
4. The difference between X and MDMA
5. Whether streets are numbered or lettered in Japan.
6. The real-life location of Okawa Bridge.
7. Whether to capitalize terms of endearment.
8. The awesome new cover!

Girl Parts: Abandon Changes, a free e-book from Candlewick Press (which will also include an excerpt from the book Girl Parts) is coming this January!

How Do I Pub My Non-Fiction Book? Q&A

Some friends wrote with questions about publishing their commercial non-fiction project. Thought I’d share my answers with you all:

Should we find an agent or contact publishers ourselves?

Definitely find an agent first. For that you’ll need a book proposal, which should include a few sample chapters, an overview of your platform, any persons of note who might be tapped to write a forward, an outline of the book, your market, etc. Basically, a package describing what the book will be (with examples), who will buy it, and why.

 

How do we go about finding a trustworthy agent?

There are lots of resources online, and Writer’s Marketplace is a great print publication. You’ll want an agent specializing in commercial non-fiction. You might start by looking up who represents authors of books similar to yours (this info isn’t always public, but check the acknowledgements section, and usually the author mentions their agent).

 

As far as trustworthy agents go, Predators & Editors is an invaluable resource. They should not *pay* an agent to consider their book. In fact, they shouldn’t pay an agent anything until there’s a book deal. Standard percentage is 15%, and you want an agent who is an AAR member.

 

When we find one, what is generally the timeline to publishing a book?

Long. Assuming your first round of submissions lands you an agent: Agent considers for 30-60 days, finishing the book takes another 3 months, then revisions with the agent take another 3. Editors consider for 2 months, then more revisions, then an additional year (at least) of promotion, printing, etc, before the book hits the shelves. As far as $$$ is concerned, advances often run 1/2 on execution of the publishing agreement, 1/2 on acceptance by the Publisher of the final draft of the book. Sometimes a portion is reserved until the book is actually published.

 

Hope this helps!

 

Godspeed, pilgrims,

-J

 

Paul Auster: Why Roth Is Wrong About the Novel

A Publishing Industry Glossary

by the inestimable Rick Walton…

A Publishing Industry Glossary

 

Advance–the best proof that your project is moving forward.

ARC– a vessel you send out into the ocean of reviewers, hoping it floats instead of sinks.

Auction–a contest where two or more editors race to see who can show the most irrational exuberance.

Author–the costume a writer puts on when he goes to a cocktail party.

Backlist–books still in print, but which the publisher hides behind his back so they are hard to see.

Book–a rectangular device for immortalizing the person whose name is inscribed on it. Not to be confused with “headstone”.

Contract–a document which, if held to the same standards as its subject, would require serious editing.

Cover letter–a letter designed to cover the weaknesses in your manuscript.

Critique–hopefully advice to help you turn your pony into a racehorse, but too often the suggestion that you turn your pony into an alligator.

Designer–a person who proves that people do indeed judge a book by its cover.

Dialogue–what people might say in real life if it were edited for clarity, conciseness, and for necessity to the plot. In other words, nothing at all like what people say in real life.

Draft–a manuscript with still enough holes in it to let the wind blow through.

E-book–E stands for everyone, as in everyone now will think they can write a book.

Editor–a young woman with just slightly more power than God.

Editorial Board–a plank that your book is forced to walk by the captain of the publishing ship. Sometimes the book is allowed to come back and join the crew. But most of the time the book is pushed into the ocean.

Endpapers–a great place to write notes when you’re out of notepaper, which is why they should be plain white.

Fiction–what a writer tells himself to make him believe he can write something people will pay money for.

Graphic novel–a comic book that went to college.

Hardcover–the best kind of book to use as a murder weapon.

Imprint–one of the personalities exhibited in a publisher’s multiple personality disorder.

ISBN–Intercontinental Satellite-Based Nuke. What an author wishes they had access to when they get a bad review.

Jacket–an outer covering designed to make a cool book hot.

Line editing–editing that does not require you to wrap your mind around the whole plot, as substantive editing does, but which allows you to work while standing in the grocery store line, the bank line, the DMV line,…

Mass-market–a type of book that most of the time the masses, with great enthusiasm, ignore.

Option clause–a contract clause that gives you the option to either say, “No thank you, take it out.” Or, “Are you out of your mind? Take it out!”

Print on demand–polite people say “print on request”.

Publication date–a blind date set up between your book and the reader. You hope for a long-term relationship, but too often it results in your book being stood up.

Publisher–a company that is looking for something new and fresh as long as it has been done before.

Quill–if it was good enough for Shakespeare, it is good enough for you.

Reader–a very smart person who likes your book, or one who is not so smart who doesn’t.

Rejection–a necessary evil, unless it involves my manuscript, then it is a totally unnecessary wrong.

Remainder–also known as “reminder”. A step in the publishing process designed to remind you that you aren’t as hot as you were starting to think you are.

Royalty–a British term for when publishers send the author lots of small pieces of paper with pictures of royalty on them in exchange for publishing their books. American publishers kept the term, in spite of the fact that our small pieces of paper do not have pictures of royalty on them, because they are afraid that if it was called “president”, we would hear it as “precedent” and start expecting them to send us those little pieces of paper more often.

Typewriter–the best writing device ever to use as a murder weapon.

Unsolicited submission–a twisted form of attempted adoption where you give your dear child away to someone who doesn’t want it.

Vanity press–a variation of “van o’ depressed”. So-called because you end up depressed with a van full of books.

Young adult–the average age of editors today.

 

 

Writers’ League of Texas

This April I’ll be flying to Austin to participate in the very cool (and I hope heavily-air-conditioned) Writers’ League of Texas YA A to Z Conference.  Today on the WLT blog I do a quick Q & A about publishing and agenting (and why trees are my mortal enemy).

–

What is something that you often see beginning writers doing wrong?

All writers want their characters to be relatable, but too often I see generic everyman protagonists. Their reactions are typical, their personalities flat. They react, rather than propel the action. If I’m going to spend three-hundred pages with a character, I want her to be unique, memorable.

–

Read the whole gosh durn thing here.

Pet (Writerly) Peeves

via Scott Treimel (my agent & bossman):

I understand our use of language is fluid. There seems no reason to harp that “all right” is two words. (Why they remained separated when already was formed I do not know.) The use of well vs good is another lost cause. Answering How are you? with I’m good still sounds like editorializing to me, but sobeit. (I love writing that as one word, which I do in honor of my mentor Marilyn Marlow, who insisited on it.)

We bow to the vagaries of usage at different rates. I myself continue to appreciate the difference between “anxious” and “eager” and am surprised, unhappily, to see writers conflate the two. Another of my bugaboos: fewer vs less. Fewer units sold, so the book made less money is correct. Less buyers are to blame is wrong.

I hated seeing sneaked give way to snuck, but I feel that train left the station and cannot be brought back.

Yesterday I told a writer his protagonist, in context, would not feel “disgust”; she would feel “disdain”.* The writer said, Why, they are indistinct. No, no, a thousand times no. The difference between those words, in context, is the difference between his character and another.

We welcome your slings and arrows.

 

• That writer was me, FYI, and Scott was right! -JMC